Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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