Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
