She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
