She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
