Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
