we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My liver just had a heart attack.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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