She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
tell me about the fingering
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
