Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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