A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
