There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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