I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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