just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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