You're completely useless in the revolution.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
