Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
