Your face is a jimmy john
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
