Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am mentally ready for anal.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
