My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
