erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think your dad took our porno
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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