Moan for me like Helen Keller
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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