Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
