you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
