Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
