It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
