I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
