I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
