my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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