I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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