i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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