I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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