i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
