I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
