when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
