So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
