It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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