people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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