non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
