I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
