just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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