After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We need to get me chipped asap
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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