Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
