Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
