yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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