Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're breaking my sexual little heart
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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