Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
