At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
