That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
