I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
