Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I will pee on everything he values.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
