If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
