I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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