it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
