At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
