That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
