did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
