I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
