i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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