I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
