My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
