I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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