Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
