I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
