he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
