bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
