I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
