Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
