How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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